Four Parenting Lessons I Learned from Eva the Duck

With Mother’s Day over and Father’s Day approaching, I have been thinking quite a bit about the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Recently, I have met a few mothers whose little ones have just been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I remember those days. Which therapies should we pursue? Which provider is best? Will it work? What if it doesn’t? Who is going to pay for all this? Will I ever sleep again? Will my child ever speak, or be potty-trained, or have a friend?

So much stress and pressure! Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, for us at least, seems to cause all those worries and fears to resurface. No matter where your child is on the spectrum, it is hard not to compare them to their neurotypical peers. You become super mom and super dad. But this can take a toll on you. On top of all this, it is spring time and all God’s creatures seem to be having babies of their own.

At our house, one of those creatures is Eva the duck. We live on a lake in a typical suburban town. What is not so typical is that the area is zoned for mixed use. So across the lake, we see dairy cows grazing next to low-rise office buildings. The lake attracts all kinds of wild life, even though we are in an urban setting. The nuisance animals here are the Muscovy ducks, which have no natural predator. I have never seen a gator in our lake! They drive many people, including the Professor, crazy and are viewed with annoyance, like some people view squirrels or deer.

We have a fence that separates our patio from the lake. No duck has ever entered our patio, except for the one time some chicks crawled under the fence. Ever since he was little, the Prince has loved watching the ducks. To the Professor’s chagrin, the Prince and I sometimes feed the ducks. They have been the recipients of many GFCF baking failures! They are really social birds. They wag their tails kind of like dogs.

A few weeks ago, we discovered a female duck nesting in an empty flower pot in a secluded area of our patio—quite the perfect spot for a nest, actually. The Prince was delighted and named her Eva. We could not figure out how she got there, so we spied on her and discovered that she “jump/flies” and lands on the fence. Then she jumps down and hobbles over to the flower pot, which is taller than she is, so again, she has to jump/fly up to nestle down upon her eggs.

Parenting Lesson Number 1 learned from Eva: think out of the box.

Most ducks in my observance nest on the ground under bushes. Eva does things a little differently. As the parent of a special needs child, thinking out of the box is frequently required.

We notice that Eva takes a break at least twice a day. Sometimes she just takes a little bath in the lake other times she flies across the lake. But she always returns, and I am sure she feels refreshed.

Parenting Lesson Number 2 learned from Eva: take time for yourself.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your child is to take a break. You should do this, even in a small way, at least once day. Call a friend. Take a walk. Eat a cookie (GFCF of course?!) Put on headphones and listen to music you like. For a long time I didn’t listen to music, except if I was in the car alone, because the Prince was sound sensitive. That was silly, I am entitled to some enjoyment, and so are you. Listening with headphones helped us both (see lesson 1 above). But more importantly, try to take turns with your spouse or a friend so you can have some personal time to exercise, or take a coffee break, or do something that you love. That does not make you any less of a Warrior Mom or Dad, in fact, it probably makes you a better parent.

The gestation period for Muscovy duck eggs is pretty long, 35-40 days. As time goes on, we notice Eva spends more and more time on her nest and that her breaks are shorter. We have started to feed her and discovered that she seems famished.

Parenting Lesson Number 3 learned from Eva: accept the kindness of others.

Receiving an autism diagnosis for your child is one of the hardest things any parent will have to endure, next to learning that your child has a fatal illness. It is ok to reach out to your family and friends for help. People are much more aware about autism today, even than when the Prince was diagnosed. They may be unsure of how to help, so tell them what you need. Baby sitting, making a few meals for nights when you get home late from your child’s therapy sessions, help driving your other children to soccer while you take your little one to speech therapy or ABA. Don’t be shy. The worst thing that can happen is they will tell you no. I admit that I did lose a few friends after the Prince was diagnosed. They just viewed autism as a stigma, I guess. They couldn’t understand the “new normal” of my life that comes with special needs parenthood. They just faded from my life. But those so-called friends were replaced by even better friends. There is no bond like the one between parents whose children have special needs.

I don’t know if Eva’s eggs will hatch or not. None of us know what the future holds. But I hope at least some of her eggs become chicks and eventually leave the nest to fly on their own. And one day, I believe that our children will fly over the rainbow of the autism spectrum to find their own happiness too.

Final Parenting Lesson learned from Eva: Believe.